Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Making a marriage work... when you are total opposites!

Can it work?
How does it work?
Honestly, it's kind of like being dragged onto a roller coaster you are terrified of, but enjoying the ride after all.

The hubs and I are total opposites!
I could safely say in almost every way.
We didn't change, it's pretty much always been that way.

I was always the kid playing alone, sitting quietly, waiting for free reading or to go home and write about whatever had been on my mind all day.
He was the kid in the back of the classroom with ants in his pants, anxiously awaiting recess, gym, lunch or football practice.
Not much has changed...
He is the jock to my nerd girl.

I am the loner, the introvert.
He is the guy with 30 friends who wants to be center of attention.
I would love one, just one weekend of uninterrupted quiet, lazy, no plans time.
He can't sit still and has to have a plan to go somewhere, do something...All the time!
I am the home-body to his extrovert.

I am a tight-wad. I hate spending money on anything!(except maybe books!)...and food.
I like to budget and try to plan ahead.
He says "That's why we make it"! Let's just do it/get it! And that goes for pretty much anything the girls "need".
I am the frugal to his free spending.

I grew up learning to make-do or do without. Reuse, recycle!
Some times it wasn't a choice. 
He has learned to buy. Buy new, bigger, better. What is easier, faster.
I am his DIY.  He is my splurge on new. 

I like things nice and tidy. I hate clutter. 
He drops his keys, socks, shoes, tools haphazardly anywhere they may fall.
I am the neat-freak to his slob(okay...unorganized).

I grew up in the same house until I was 15.
He grew up as an Air Force brat, moving all over for years.
I am the rooted to his mover.

He let's his emotions show openly. He has to get it all out.
 I am the one who hides my feelings. I am the closet crier.
He is the talker. I am the thinker.

He loves to tease, joke and play around...constantly!
I am quite more reserved and find it mostly annoying!(Hey, I'm being honest here!)
He is the jokester to my serious.

I am definitely the more serious and disciplinary figure. He is the big pushover daddy.
Those girls get away with way more than I would allow!
I am the hard ass to his softie side.

There are so many more but that is the gist of it.
So....How do you make it work?
The first question should be, Do you both want to make it work?
If either are unsure, this post isn't for you.

 There is no right or wrong answer. Every person, every marriage, every life is different.
I can only share what works for us and give you advice and tips.
First, DO NOT try to change your spouse.
It is tiring for both of you. It is pointless and it is detrimental to your relationship. If I had spent the last 20 years(yes, it's been that long!) trying to change him...we never would have made it.
We are both born again Christians, which is now the root of our marriage, but it wasn't the case in the beginning. We had both grown up with religious families and had the basic idea but neither of us had made the conscience decision as adults.
So zoom 6 years! into our marriage(by the grace of God, we made it that far!)
We were both saved and baptized.
I won't say it got better or even easier after that. But, we had a new view of life, love, and marriage.
It really was kind of a start over for us!
We became more open and accepting of each other for who we were and what made each of us happy, happier.

We learn everyday to love and cherish each other. Learn and grow together.
Instead of fighting, complaining and making each other miserable because we don't agree or because we are different, we embrace those differences.
He knows if I get grumpy or agitated, he can take the kids outside so I can have quiet to think or refocus.
I know if he really wants new bowling shoes, I can skip a few lunch dates with friends, or not buy the book.
He knows I hate crowds and loud people, so he asks a friend to go to big events.

He knows I secretly want to spend an hour at Half Priced Books on date night, so we do...after his steak dinner at Longhorn(not MY fave!)
If I have had a rough day, he will offer to cook dinner or order out.

If he has put in 10 hours of over time this week, I can do the yard work or take the girls to the park so he can catch a nap.

All marriages are about compromise and sacrifice.
It should be done lovingly and openheartedly.
If everything you do and say is done out of anger or a dreaded feeling, you probably need an overhaul.
And that is totally okay!
There is nothing wrong with taking time to stop, rethink, work out a plan and start fresh!
Trust me, in 20 years there have been plenty of times and situations where you just stop and wonder...what are we doing here???
WE are around people who are different than us everyday. People at work, school, church, etc. We learn to live around those people. Why is so hard to learn to live with that person? Especially, if that person is your spouse!
If you truly LOVE them and are in a dedicated marriage, it shouldn't be a battle to live with their differences. Or at least not impossible.
I feel like our differences make us stronger.
He pulls me out of my comfort zone to try new things.
I calm him down when he is overwhelmed.

I hope this gives you a little piece of...us.
We aren't perfect. We are imperfect, making it work.
Marriage is falling in love with the same person, over and over.

So, for today, my WIP(work in progress) is marriage...our marriage.
What are you working on? <3
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